Have you ever wonder where did love go after a breakup? had it packed it belongings and quietly escape away from your grip in a middle of the night? Or had simply disappeared into thin air in the same fashion it appeared?
I have been battling with this question for quite sometimes having stings of past encounters some of whom I was crazy, madly in love with, but not once have I ever resurrected a broken relationship after a breakup. This strange curiosity seems so improbably that I felt I had to test its theory. Taking matter into my own hands, I resolve to find out the answer to this burning question by doing something that I never have tried in the past: I hooked up with my ex last night.
He wore his hair thick and wavy jet black. A man of very wide of shoulder and narrow of hip pairing togetherly with his 6'2" lean body frame. His legs are long in proportion to his trunk. His eyes are dreamy hazel brown under those wildly bushy brows and his cheeks rosy mixed russet. His skin were of smooth creamy texture tinged with splash of pink almost ethereal.
I met Ukrainian about 3 years ago while I was still living in Seattle. He was still a 4th year med student on his final surgical rotation at one of the hospital near where I lived. Though I must say he is 5 years younger and was only gonna be in town for a month, the romance blossomed handsomely regardless. I abandoned all sensible reasons and dived heart first with full knowledge that it is gonna burn in hellish disappointment. I bore witness to a sumptuous splendor of raving desire all about me. Sparks exploding, firing, and boomeranging at each other in hurtling speed of lustful rage where the only repose to be found were in bed. A slice of that passage of time with him was crazy, whirlwindly, and heart-poundingly intense. Like all typical foolish first time lovers who just know they were going to be good together, we would make love 5 hours a day on any surface and corner permissible like ravenous vultures in sheer desperation. Our rumpus commotion would stretch on from the crack of dawn til the fall of silken dusk. We fed on each other and the more you consume the more you want to be consumed. Looking back, I felt as if we were making a low budget hardcore pornographic film straight from my bedroom production. Like hell he surely was my James Deen. Every girl’s dream Im telling ya.
Time and time again, all the good things come to an end eventually whether you want it or not. Naturally, we should have ended when he left, but we wouldn't let some quantitative reasoning stopping us from carry it on long distance for another month or so. Approximately 200 texts a day were the norm in our daily communication declaring undying devotion for one another. Oh so juvenile! Absence can make the heart grow fonder, and opposite is also true in some instants. Reason being? Distance weaken trust and widen misunderstanding. You can only subsist in a make-believe relationship for so long without a strong foundation to start with, and we have none. For reason that remains inscrutable, I found out I had very few in common with my porn star doctor or was it my abandonment issue having something to do with it? I highly doubt it. On top on that, he had a harder time with long distance than I did so he decided to disappear into a puff of smoke like a Houdini.
There is this thing about chemistry how it weaseled its way into our system remains a mystery to me until it hit you first hand like a tidal wave. To discount its effect as merely an unsettling surprise is an understatement. If I was a drug addict, he was the sole dealer and I was definitely OD on the drug and withdrawal was awfully excruciating to say the least. How do you explain why we find someone more attractive than others. What is it about them that made them stand out among the pack? Was it physical attribute, personality trait, fat wallet, cutting intellect, or just plain old sexual drive alone? According research, chemistry is an act of exchanging of energy between two people that vibrates on the shame frequency and wave length. In short, If my vibration meets its favorable match, a spark of energy exploding shock you into a sea of deranged addiction.
3 years later, sitting across from that very same pearl gleam of dreamy glance revealing nostalgic longing for ghost of tenderness gone ashtray. Together flesh to flesh, side by side and crisscrossing of naked body. No amount of seismic readjustment of the flesh could summon that forgotten togetherness we once shared. What was left is an empty shell of affection absented of its essence. I knew indistinctly, like a waft of lingering scene of yesterday’s perfume, that my feeling for him is had long gone. There I have it the answer to my own inquisitive inquiry. It’s true that the longer we walk the path the more we learn what love is and what it take to maintain one. There is no better way to find out than to try it. Period. New preoccupation take the place of the old, new person excites new feeling that not only replace the old but erase it completely from my love bank.
